Overcoming Procrastination

Procrastination is opportunity's natural assassin.
Victor Kiam

Two weeks ago I came across an article in The New Yorker on procrastination.

Sidebar: It’s a lengthy piece but if you have the time read it, it’s pretty interesting. I will warn you that my New Yorker bias may be swaying my opinion

After reading The New Yorker piece I took comfort in the fact that according to ‘anecdata’ I am not alone! Many people also struggle with procrastination.

Procrastinating is a habit I picked up in sixth form and perfected in University. I remember revising entire courses two days before an exam and turning up to exams looking like a prisoner of war. Upon leaving university it became apparent that procrastinating had bled into other areas of my life. Fast forward to age 23 and I’m over-qualified to teach a course on ‘How To Procrastinate’. The only problem is I’d probably keep putting off when I’d run it.
(See what I did there?).

So….

I decided to change.

Not because I wanted to change but because I knew I needed to. The pangs of guilt I’d feel every night when I realised I’d accomplished nothing were bad for my health (I know I’m a drama queen). More importantly I needed to change because I’m trying to be a better daughter/sister/niece/friend/wearer of fabulous clothes. And the less procrastinating I do, the better I become at all of those roles. I realised I needed to learn new habits and crucially unlearn old ones. I started reading extensively (well obsessively) on the topic and seeking advice from anyone willing to give it.

Much to my surprise over the past few months there’s been a significant improvement. I now get things done instead of having a long list of things that need to be done. I’m not there yet. I’ve put off doing my hair for so long yesterday a hairdresser stopped me in the street to offer her services *hangs head in shame * However I’m slowly getting there.

Today I thought I’d share some of the tools I’m using in my journey towards overcoming procrastination. It’d be great if you left some of your tips and experiences in the comments section. The more I learn, the better: )

Here it goes.....

Overcoming Procrastination

1) Re-evaluate your life

‘Anyone that constantly defers everything they need to do, is probably living someone else's life’

The above is what a friend said to me a while back and I do think he has a point. A lot of people fill their lives with things done to fulfill others expectations, rather than things that align to their core. Therefore they're constantly playing the 'I'll do it tomorrow' game, because they don't really want to do those things at all. The question we need to ask is 'Why do I do what I do?’ and 'Am I meant to be doing what I do?'

The more you fill your life with the things you love, the easier ‘work’ becomes. After all 'do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life’.

2) Have a reasonable to do list

A lot of procrastination stems from the fact we’re too ambitious when formulating our ‘to do list’.
Long ‘to do lists’ are overrated. It's better to work smart than work hard. Extensive periods of hard work will result in diminishing returns and your work becomes more and more mediocre with each step you take.Contrarily, if your ‘to do list’ is too short, you may gain displaced confidence as a result of doing very little.So keep it reasonable.


3) Keep your ‘To do List’ quiet

I blogged on this a few weeks ago however if you haven’t seen it yet, Watch here -→ Guard Your Goals. Also there’s a brilliant talk over at TED, which puts my vlog to shame and gives a scientific rationale behind the benefits of keeping your goals quiet. Click Here.

4) Prioritise

The more I encounter people obsessed with seeming busy, the more I realise people don’t understand the concept of ‘high priority’.

If everything on your 'to do list' is ‘high priority’ it’s either....

a) Your life is so hectic you're heading towards a heart attack
b) You don’t know what ‘high’, ‘urgent’ or ‘priority’ is.

Prioritise. Placing the most arduous and important tasks at the top of pile. When you do the hard stuff first, everything else will feel easy.


5) Declutter

Decluttering is nothing more than stripping your life down to its necessary components.

So Declutter…

Your workspace
Your head
Your ‘friends’
Your diet
Then…
Declutter your 'to do list' (again)

I intend to write a blog post on the merits of decluttering and how important it is in maintaining good energy around you. My sisters laugh at me every time I mention concepts like ‘energy’, ‘light’, and ‘balance’ but they matter. Unless you’re balanced internally, you will struggle to get things in order externally. To borrow the words of Erykah Badu ‘Pack Light’.


6) Be Accountable

We all need checks and balances. Find someone to be accountable to.

7) Find a routine

Personally this has been the hardest rule to implement. I thrive off the unexpected. However a foundation and routine is needed to hold up the superstructure of our lives.


8) Be Flexible

I had to learn the 'flexibility rule' the hard way. Part of overcoming procrastinating is distinguishing procrastination from a creative block. If you’re genuinely trying to get a task done and it’s not working, move on. Some barriers aren’t meant to be overcome at that moment in time. We must respect our creative blocks, because they have their place. Be flexible and know when to walk away.

9) Choose not to live each day like your last

You know the saying ‘Live each day like you last’? I hate it. It’s stupid advice. Why on earth people subscribe to it, I do not know. If it’s our last day on earth, tomorrow doesn't matter because we won't be here to see it unfold!

On other hand if we live each day in order to make our tomorrow better (and easier), it’s an incentive to get on with things. When I’m about to put off doing something I think (aloud) ‘If you leave it till tomorrow, it’ll only be harder’. And because I feel embarrassed that I’m talking to myself, I start to get on with it.


10) Show Up and Work

I've left the most important rule till last. The bottom line is you’ve got to show up. If you don't show up, rules 1-9 are inconsequential. Show up, work and do your best.


Love and Light

Christiana

xxx

The Tip

It’s been a week since I last blogged and instead of apologising for what could be perceived as flakiness, I thought I’d explain what I’ve been up to.

At the beginning of August I had a conversation with a friend about how frustrated I was with the lack of women’s magazine that cater to women like me. It’s 2010 and if Vogue (or any mainstream fashion publication for that matter) puts a woman of colour on the cover, it’s considered an event. Which is ludicrous! Despite the liberal media harping on about us being in a ‘post racial era’ women’s magazines clearly aren’t yet ready to regularly include women from all ethnicities on their covers or in their editorial spreads. I didn't want a magazine that catered to a specific race, all I wanted is a magazine that was racially inclusive and celebrated the fact we're global citizens, rather than highlighting divisions.

It wasn’t just the inherent racism and reluctance to change the status quo that riled me up. I hate the fact that so many magazines speak down to women rather than directly to women. They’re filled with insulting quizzes with kindergarten level analysis...

‘If you ticked mostly c’s you’re a strong individual who likes leopard print shoes and isn’t afraid to be the life of the party’ * rolls eyes * Yes because quizzes are the best way of deducing who I am as a woman.

They glorify celebrities to demi-Goddess status yet contradictorily encourage us to pick apart that celebrities body, because *gasp * once a month women get bloated. We scrutinise other women’s bodies and are told about the best ways to conceal (rather than embrace) our own. If they’re not latently trying to get us to hate ourselves, they’ll kindly give us instructions on how we can go about mutating our personalities in order to become ‘what a man wants’. What’s scary is that we’ve become so desensitised to what we’re reading, we’ve forgotten it’s poison.

So I thought instead of complaining about what I see why don’t I create an alternative?

And ‘The Tip’ was born.

Well that’s simplifying things. Between August and now, it’s been weeks of meticulous planning, trying to find writers with the right voice who get the vision, late nights spent frantically trying to get things ready and though I despise this word because it’s so ubiquitous it’s been rendered meaningless…lots of ‘hustling’. I've been riddled with self-doubt and without my family and friends I would have gone into reverse ages ago.....

But! We’re almost there and ‘The Tip’ will go live on November 1st.

If you like this blog, you’ll love ‘The Tip’. And if you’ve disagreed with anything I’ve written over the past few years, you’ll definitely love the ‘The Tip’. Simply because it’s wider, deeper, more robust and more varied in content, topics and opinion.

Our first cover girl is singer and face of Marks & Spencer VV Brown who we shot last month. You’ll be able to see full editorial (she looks fierce) and read the interview when the site goes live on November 1st.

So yes it's official I am now a single mother to two kids. ‘Christiana Rants’ and ‘The Tip’. However what’s great about working on ‘The Tip’ is the talented individuals I’m working alongside. The team is the perfect blend of sanity, insanity, creativity, passion and intelligence (if I might say so myself).

I don’t want to ramble on too much about it because but please bookmark ‘The Tip’ www.thetiponline.com and if you’re a resident of Twietnam follow us @TheTipOnline (we'll follow back!) . The news/gossip section will be updated daily, features/columns/fashion/beauty etc every Monday and our covers are being done on a bi-monthly basis.

So that’s a bit of what I’ve been up to over the last few months! ‘The Tip’ won’t conflict with this blog simply because I don’t write much because I don’t have the capacity to. It’s just been while I’ve been getting things off the ground, I’ve had less time to dedicate to my other interests. However I'll get back into my 3 posts a week rhythm soon!

I do hope you all join me on the next phase of my journey. My sincere thanks for all your support thus far, without it I doubt I would have had the confidence walked down this path at all. So thank you.

Love & Light

Christiana

xxx

Where are all the good women?

A while back I wrote a blog called ‘The Drought’ in which I attempted to debunk the myth that good men are in decline. I argued that they weren’t becoming extinct but certain factors were at work causing them to go undetected.

One of my main arguments was this….

There are 'too many' good women

People often say it’s the ‘hoes’ and women who lack scruple that make it hard for ‘good women’. I disagree. Good women (unintentionally) make it harder for good women. The quality and quantity of good women is so high, there isn't a real incentive for men to retire from bachelorhood. On the other hand if the general perception was good women were becoming extinct, I think the 'good men' would be more inclined to put themselves out there.

Sidebar: You can read the post in its entirety here.

I thought it was a commonly accepted fact that on a purely numerical basis the number of good women will always outstrip the number of good women. Biology has destined it that there are more women than men in the world, therefore all things being equal…

Number of Good Women > Number of Good Men

Sidebar: I’m not a fan of the phrase all things being equal because things are never equal, so I do apologise for using it to prop up limp ‘mathematical’ logic. Please don’t blame me for my shoddy use of mathematics; I am a product of the New Labour educational system, which valued academic attainment over actual learning. Blame Blair and his cronies : )


Yet to my surprise that point was the only one that stirred a considerable reaction. In the blog’s comments section, on Facebook and Twitter, I encountered men vehemently disagreeing with the observation that good women were in abundance.

Initially I dismissed such men as anomalies. However a recent debate with some good friends of mine made it apparent they’re not alone. My friends argued that beautiful women are in abundance, but ‘good women’ are few and far between. As the argument raged on, I was forced to concede that they might have a point.

At the end of our lengthy debate I still held there are ‘too many good women’ and my dear friends claimed I was ‘delusional’. As we couldn’t decide amongst ourselves, I was challenged to write a blog outlining my case and then leave it to you guys to decide. Here it goes…

There are many good women, it’s just that…

1)You’re looking in the wrong places

You’re unlikely to find gourmet food rifling in a dustbin. However that's what many men (and women) do when looking for the 'Mr/Miss Right'. If you want a certain standard of women, you must place yourself in the environments where she's normally found. Complaining there aren’t enough good women (or men) says more about what you choose to expose yourself to, than the actual state of affairs.

2) You've made them friends or they've friend zoned you

See point 1 in ‘The Drought’ for further explanation.

3)You’ve probably already had 1,2,3 or even 8 amazing women but you let her get away

Go on admit it. Just like every woman has that one guy who she remembers with a twinge of regret because she dismissed him for being ‘too nice’, you’ve let an amazing woman get away. It’s an uncomfortable truth that both genders grapple with. We’re self-sabotagers who often let the people who are good for us go, yet allow those who are toxic to stick around.

4) No woman will ever be as great as your mum

Is there a need to expand further?

5) You’re looking for a good woman who doesn’t require much work

"If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you're not worth it"

Good women involve more work. Get over it! If you’re looking for a good woman, that requires the same level of effort and engagement as an average woman, just like a unicorn that can dutty whine….you won’t find her.

Great things are never easy to acquire and maintain and if you get it and maintain it easily, you’ve probably over-estimated its worth. If you want a woman who doesn’t involve hard work, lower your expectations. Good women will always come with high demands because demanding more of herself and others is one of the underlying reasons behind her substance! Furthermore her demanding more of you is beneficial, because those who expects more from us bring out the best in us.

Sidebar: High requirements are fine, ridiculous requirements are not.

Would it be beneficial for Oxford or Harvard to lower their academic entry requirements? Of course it wouldn’t, because that would dilute what they stand for and tarnish their reputation. In that sense good women are like elite universities, closed to most yet open to a select few. And it seems to me that when people complain there aren’t enough good women, what they really mean is there aren’t enough good women willing to put up with less.

That’s my opinion and I’m sticking to it : )

As the point of this blog was to state my case and then get input from you all, are my arguments compelling enough for the naysayers among you to agree that good women are in abundance? Or am I simply blind to the reality that.....

The number of Kat Stacks’ > The number of Michelle Obama’s?

The floor is yours!

Love & Light

Christiana xxx

Guard Your Goals

It's been a while but I finally got around to it. Yes, I've done a video blog! It's on a life principle I've recently implemented in my life and has helped closed the gap between goal formulation and goal execution. Pfff why am I using fancy talk? In short I've learnt keeping my mouth shut is helping me get stuff done.

In hindsight, there's a lot more I could have said in the vlog but I'm not trying to send anyone to sleep. Unnecessarily long vlogs (heck unnecessarily long anythings) are the bane of my existence. Short and pithy, straight to the point without apologies. That's what I (try to) do.

As ever, if you enjoy the video or if you hate this blog so much yet you contradictorily insist on coming back and increasing my hits * big smile*

1) Share
2) Comment
3) Subscribe

I'm going to do my utmost to post video blog more regularly, as far as my hair permits of course, my regrowth is a force of nature that's untamable on a good day.

In the coming weeks they're going to be a few interesting announcements on this blog so do stay tuned. I would announce them now but that would be contradicting everything I stated in my vlog! Hopefully my lack of posts a few weeks back will make more sense and you'll all continue with me on the next phase of my journey.

Anyway! I must be off, I have a wedding this weekend which I'm looking forward too but I'm dreading that moment when my mum and aunt coerce me into going up to catch the bouquet. The last wedding I attended (where the women had to catch the bouquet to Beyonce's 'Single Ladies') my aunt was so vexed I deliberately missed she rebuked 'the spirit of no marriage, bad sex and poverty in the name of Jesus!'. And you all wonder why I need to blog?

Have a fab weekend : )

Love & Light

Christiana xxx

22 Things Films teach you about love vs. 22 Things Life teaches you about love

If you read this blog regularly you’ll be aware that I'm not the biggest fan of watching films or going to the cinema. Despite a public vow that I would change, I’ve only been to the cinema once this year. When I was younger I didn’t have to be coerced or bribed into watching films and I’m not sure at what precise moment I became disenchanted with them. I used to love shallow teen flicks and romantic comedies. In fact such films were my main information resource as to how I would fall in love and what love was supposed to be.

Now I’m an adult (albeit a reluctant one) and I’m sieving truth from error, I’ve discovered things often don’t go the way the movies tell us they will. Perhaps that’s the root of my film resentment and rejection. The discovery the information I was gathering about love, life and relationships was false, has traumatised me beyond repair. Secondary School is nothing like ‘Clueless’ and no matter how much you listen to the radio, your ‘Sleepless in Seattle’ moment probably won’t happen.

I’m aware that the blog content over the past couple of weeks has been a bit heavy (See ‘How To Get Over Someone’) and since I woke up in a facetious mood, today I thought I’d post something lighter.

22 things films teach you about love

VS.


22 things life teaches you about love.

22 things films teach you about Love

1)There is such a thing as love at first sight. Love at first sight is followed by a season of denial, then the admission that "from the moment I set my eyes on you I knew you were the one". In the real world such an admission will induce nausea and/or suspicion.

2)You may fall in love with one of your best friends

3) Love comes naturally and bar a few convulsions the path of true love is smoother than a bald man’s head.

4) You need to have a friend who's fatter than you in order to fall in love.

5)A damsel in distress scenario precedes ‘love at first sight’ moments. Engineer them.

6) True Love is inappropriate.

7)Love and prolonged infatuation are the same thing.

8)It’s better to be mute and walking on earth with the man of your dreams, than under the sea living like a princess.

9)Being in possession of big breasts paired with a waist so narrow it borders on invisible, will accelerate the falling in love process. A face paralysed by botox helps also.

10)If he has second thoughts on the wedding day and leaves you a voicemail saying he wants out, that’s ok. Real love is riddled with doubt and contradiction.

11)You will gain the courage to confess you’re in love at the most socially inconvenient moment in time. That’s also ok.

12) Dying for love (well killing yourself for love) is the highest expression of love.

(Wasn't that a book first? Then made into a mediocre film, but it was all worth it just for this vocal performace ---->Click Here )

13) People have to almost lose you in order to truly love you.

14) Your instinct is always right. Trust it.

15) Openly obsessing about love and making it the focal point of all your activity makes you more attractive.

16) It's easier to find love if you haven't used your uterus. However if you have used your uterus, fret not! Try a failing sports agent or any failing man for that matter. Only men with limited options desire women with kids.

17) Not many Asian/Black/Latina/Mixed/white women that don't fit a narrow Hollywood phenotype find love. Fortunately such women are more than qualified for being the best friend and chief bridesmaid for the woman who does find love. * Claps hands in Glee *

18) Love makes you feel superhuman.

19) After living a life free of carbs, being in love is the most glamorous form of validation.

20) Whatever he does, forgive him.

21) Being a cold-hearted bitch with control issues then reforming into a warm hearted quasi bitch with control issues demonstrates that love will change you for the better.

22) You only get one shot at love.


22 things life teaches you about Love

1) Sometimes you have to lose love first in order to gain it.

2) It's indefinable, indescribable and used so flippantly it's been perverted. It certainly cannot be condensed down to 22 things.

3) It’s a simple or complicated as you make it.

4) Love never dies when relationships end.Like energy love transforms into another state. Perhaps it’s anger, pity, indifference, bitterness or sadness. However Love cannot die.

5) It makes you gain weight.

6) It makes you not mind when you've gained weight.

7) When it ‘ends’ 6 will no longer be true.

8) You may or may not call your friends as much as you used to.

9) Like Mulan you’ll leave your personal paradise for unknown shores.

10) The debate over whether it can be bought is valid one.

11) Like death, it is a reminder that we are human, mortal and temporary beings. The fun part is, unlike death, we get to see who’s genuinely happy or sad when we’ve experienced it.

12) You have to work at it. Every. Single. Day. Most can’t be bothered

13) Make up can only attract for a certain amount of time. It’s what’s on the inside that sustains.

14) Love exists in the space between the regions of insanity and sanity. Its endurance requires us to oscillate from region to region depending on the circumstances.

15) True love and prolonged infatuation are very different, yet they feel so similar we can easily misidentify one for the other.

16) Love will change you, but not necessarily in the way you’d hoped.

17) Your instinct could be wrong. Nevertheless, trust it.

18) Love isn’t just about words it’s about works.

19) “Love without sacrifice is theft” Nassim Taleb. Sacrifice requires a spirit of humility and the belief that someone else’s needs override yours. That is difficult.

20) The phrase ‘love yourself’ has been thrown around so much it’s become a banal cliché. However loving other people without loving yourself is a slow form of death.

21) To paraphrase Victor Hugo ‘One can resist the invasion of an army but one cannot resist the invasion of love’

22) Learning to love is a journey with no finish line.


Love & Light

Christiana xxx

How To Stay Positive

"How do you stay positive, and live your life when everyone around you and you yourself r negative??? Would love you to do a blog on this or personal tips thank you xx"
Candice

We are born into a world defined by duality. Good vs. evil, fire vs. water, fear vs. faith, light vs. dark. We didn't choose to be surrounded by these contrary elements. We didn't choose to come here and most of us will not choose when we leave. However in the space between our arrival and departure, we can choose which side to sit on. We can allow ourselves to drown in the darkness of negativity or we can make a daily commitment that positive energy will outweigh the negative.

It's easy to maintain the commitment to remain positive when life is going swimmingly and things effortlessly fall into place. However how do we remain positive when things fall apart? What do we do on those days when we’re frustrated by our perceived lack of progress and crippled by feelings of inadequacy? Is it possible to stay positive when our issues intimidate us, we’ve maxed out our overdraft and everyone from our weaveologist to foxes seem to be conspiring against us? Of course of it is. In fact it is imperative that we remain positive on such days because that is when it really counts.

So how the heck do we stay positive on the bad days? Since the question was directed at me, I’ll state what I do and the tips I’ve stolen from those I admire….

Note: This list isn't exhaustive please feel free to leave your tips in the comments section.

‘How to Stay Positive’

1) Strive to maintain an attitude of gratitude

Whatever the day brings, I try to end it with a spirit of gratitude. Even if everything went atrociously I whisper a word of thanks for the privilege of ending it alive.

Sidebar: I recently stumbled on a site called 'Gratitude Log' where you're challenged to daily write down what you're grateful for. I've found it to be a great tool for fostering a lifestyle of gratitude.

2) Ignore the minor issues

When we examine the bigger picture the things we allow to weigh us down are often inconsequential. It shouldn’t take being confronted by grave issues such as illness, unemployment or death, for us to gain perspective. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, get over it, some people have real problems.

3) Remember Everything is Temporary

Whatever the problem, it will pass.

4) Think Good Thoughts

Our thoughts of today often determine our tomorrow. So if our thoughts are contaminated, tomorrow's going to be contaminated. If that’s not an incentive to think good thoughts, I’m not sure what is.

5) Have Fun

It's obvious isn’t it? However in this world of 5-year plans, self-help books and the obsessive pursuit of success, it’s as if we’ve forgotten it’s ok relax and have fun. Have a lazy day or two. Eat that extra cupcake. Fart and blame it on someone else.... : )

6) Surround yourself with positive people

7) Exercise and Eat healthily

8) Listen to positive music

I know I risk losing my musical integrity by revealing this fact but despite it's cheesiness, Destiny Child’s ‘Happy Face' always puts a smile on my face! On the opposite end of the musical spectrum my current positives vibes tune is Labrinth's 'Let the Sun Shine' . Amazing.

9) Don’t (always) fight sadness

I'm aware that feeling sadness is diametrically opposed to a life filled with happiness. However happiness isn’t the only legitimate emotion. It's amazing how many of us feel guilty for feeling sadness. Sadness has its place. If you have something to be sad about, be sad. Don’t force yourself to be positive for the sake of it, that's disingenuous. There are seasons for everything. Live your season of sadness but do not allow yourself to wallow in it.

10) Keep Going

This point is summed up best by Graeme Fife.

‘The greatest battle is not physical but psychological. The demons telling us to give up when we push ourselves to the limit can never be silenced for good. They must always be answered by the quiet, the steady dignity that simply refuses to give in. Courage. We all suffer. Keep Going"

I can’t finish this post without addressing the second part of the question…

“How do you stay positive…. when everyone around you and you yourself are negative???’

Is it possible that everyone around us can be negative? Yes, but it’s highly unlikely. So what's really going on here? As I turned the second part of the question over in my head, I concluded there are two probable options.

Like wolves, negative people tend to move in packs. For example, the type of girl who gives an attractive girl a dirty look and makes a bitchy comment about her attire even though she looks flawless, tends to hang around with women who exhibit similar behavior. The people who we spend most of our time with speak volumes about our character. We cannot ignore the possibility that we’re as much a part of the problem as the ‘negative people’ we point a finger at. The question we must honestly ask ourselves is, are the people in my life negative because I am negative?

The second option is that you’re not negative and neither is ‘everyone' around you. Some people around you are negative, but it feels like everyone because those people have a prominent position in your life. It could also be an environment that dominates your life e.g. work, home, place of worship etc has a negative vibe.

Due to my ruthless attitude towards negativity and negative people, if I’d written this a year ago, I'd probably recommend you cut the negative people off or remove yourself from negative environments (See ‘The Friendship Detox’’). However this is a drastic approach to resolving matters. A more reasonable solution is to take the negative people aside and tactfully explain how their behaviour is hampering your life. Negative individuals are like people with bad breath, they're oblivious to their condition, but we’re all made to suffer. If after a discussion they persist with their behaviour, then I think that’s grounds for creating distance.

Finally, if you're trying to stay positive it’s important to develop thick skin and stop caring about what others think. Too many people let others negatively impact them more than they should because they want to be liked. Become comfortable with being disliked. As long as you like you that should be enough.

If none of the above works pretend negative people (and idiots) are invisible. It never fails : )

Love & Light

xxx