Last week I received an email from one of my readers soliciting advice. Even though it’s a regular occurrence I’m yet to get over the fact that people value my opinion! My mother recently said…
‘Jesus is coming! You’re telling me because of that blob people tell you their problems? You young people have no secrets! ’
Sidebar: Blob is my mother’s word for blog. The phrase ‘Jesus is coming’ is her automatic response to any social or personal occurrence that she finds strange.
I'm prone to siding with my readers on issues. This is because you’re an intelligent bunch (last week someone kindly corrected me, Hegel not Marx/Lenin rejuvenated dialectic logic). And I like you guys! However for the first time in a while an email exchange with a reader revealed that we had no common ground. After agreeing to disagree, she suggested I write a blog post on the subject and you guys have the final say. As I believe a variety opinions voiced by an intelligent audience should lead to a higher solution to any problem, I agreed. Here it goes……….
Hoes, Housewives & Myths
The reader has an older brother who she cares about deeply. For years he has been a known womaniser. Much to her surprise recently he finally decided to settle down. Initially his family were pleased with his choice as his new girlfriend seemed to tick all the boxes. Unfortunately a few months ago an issue arose. According to numerous sources the seemingly perfect girlfriend has a ‘shady history’. Or to put it frankly she is/was a ‘hoe’.
The closing paragraph of the email began with the cliché…..
"You know what they say you can't turn a hoe into a housewife"
The emailer (is that a real word?) wanted advice as to how her family could go about essentially dismantling this relationship. Their words of caution have thus far fallen on deaf ears and she wanted a fresh take on what could possibly be done. Simultaneously flattered and offended that she thought I was that Machiavellian, I explained with good conscience I couldn’t offer such advice.
Before I proceed with my reasons why I came to this decision, I’d like to emphasise that I think her concerns are understandable and in many ways warranted. In fact if I were in her position I'd probably have the same reservations. But I’m not. This gives me the benefit of objectivity and the ability to analyse the situation without emotions clouding my judgment.
1) You cannot change your opinion on someone based solely on secondary sources
What strikes me is the young lady and her family liked the new girlfriend until other people started informing them of her past. There’s a disconnect between what the family have seen and what they’ve heard. On that basis I think the burden of proof should lie with the gossips rather than the new girlfriend having to go through the mill. We live in the world where individuals are quick to write people off based on secondary sources. Until they've seen this woman act indecently they must hold their peace. At present all they're doing is believing hearsay and potentially character assassinating an innocent woman.
2) The term "hoe"
I’ve blogged previously on this matter so I won’t go into too much detail. In short I hate the term hoe. It’s a slur that seems to be used exclusively to demean females, though logically both genders should be capable of being labeled a ‘hoe’. Moreover the ever-shifting hoe boundary means the term is rendered meaningless as it’s always relative to the person using it. Haven’t you noticed people use the term hoe only when a woman falls below their arbitrary sexual standards?
3) The idiotic hoe/housewife dichotomy
I despise the artificial hoe/housewife dichotomy that everyone’s accepted as gospel. Life is never that simple! Which authority mandated that a hoe can’t be a housewife and a housewife can’t transform into hoe? Who created this vast gulf? Surely there must be areas of overlap? Is there a definite correlation between sexual promiscuity and a woman’s character? Are we suggesting that housewives are on the whole better people? That’s like saying policemen and teachers have superior characters just because their jobs are vocations!
Sidebar: Let’s quickly address the elephant in the room touching itself. She stated her brother was a known womaniser. The less commonly used feminist cliché ‘You can’t turn a (man) hoe into a husband’ springs to mind.......
4) Even if the accusations are true….
No one in this world is so perfect they can occupy the moral high ground. My honest opinion is her brother and his girlfriend deserve the opportunity to succeed (or fail) at love as much as the next person. They should be allowed to have the chance to build a foundation without interference. Regardless of if the accusations are rumours or perfect truth, the brother should be allowed to find out by himself. If the relationship isn’t meant to be, universal law dictates it will erode without the need for meddling.
Every time I pose this scenario to a friend they disagree with my stance. Am I wrong? Is my position on this issue far too ‘radical’? Does this family have the right and duty to ensure their loved one finds someone ‘better’? Should women labeled ‘hoes’ be forever avoided? Please let me know, I’m looking forward to your input!