Thank You

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.They are new every morning; Great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

Hi everyone,

Some of you may already be aware that last Sunday I was involved in a rather horrific car accident.By God's grace I made it out alive,which feels great! However, at present I'm still in recovery and under doctors orders (and for other reasons) I'm unable to type/read for extensive amounts of time. I've made massive progress since Sunday and things are looking up. As soon as I'm 100% I'll be back (with a vengeance).

Thanks to all of you that heard and reached out to myself and my family. I feel so overwhelmed by the sheer amount of love. This experience has been emotionally exhausting and I feel like I've lived ten years in five days. But what's kept me going is the support and encouragement from so many people.Thank you for all the tweets, facebook messages and emails especially from those of you I've never met yet have sent really supportive messages. God bless you all!

I'd like to make a special mention to my family. My Mum and Dad, for making me fight and giving me hope. My sisters for keeping me peaceful and making me eat! All my aunties, uncles, cousins and church members who have rallied around me these past few days. All of you have been so amazing. I couldn't have done it without you. Words cannot express my gratitude. And to everyone that has prayed, I thank you. I've never felt so much positive energy in my life.

To ALL my friends who have checked up on me at every moment.You know who you are. Thank you. I know for a fact without your encouragement, support and lovely cakes I would not have made this much progress in the last few days. And to my closest friends that visited on the day of the accident and made me celebrate my birthday in a rather unorthodox manner. I love you.

Sidebar: I think next year we're going to have to have two parties to make up for this year!


Ultimately, I'd like to give all thanks to God without whom I certainly wouldn't be writing this post. Despite how far he seems, Sunday showed me that he is always there and turns up right when we need him.

I'm looking forward to being back to my normal self and wrecking havoc on the internet. Today was the first day I felt like 'me', I laughed from my belly and realised that everything is going to be just fine. Hence me finally mustering up the courage to write this post.

Life goes on and this incident will not determine the trajectory of my life. A few weeks ago I wrote..

"The outcome of the situation is not defined by the scale of the tragedy, but pivots on the response of the afflicted individual"


I had no idea I would have to live those words so soon! Alas, such is life. Right now my focus is on getting better, so I can then pour all this energy into making my dreams come true : )

Anyway! Enough mushiness. I'll be back within a fortnight. It's frustrating not being able to express myself as I wish but I'm glad it won't be long before I'll be doing what I love.

By the way, if you want final proof that I'm a confirmed shopaholic, apparently before I was loaded into the ambulance I screamed at the firefighters 'GET ME MY SHOES. GET ME MY SHOES. THEY'RE VERY EXPENSIVE.I NEED THOSE SHOES'. Bewildered, the firefighter obliged my request and retrieved them from the wreckage. If I wasn't even more determined to marry Trey Songz I would marry him as a thank you : )


Love and Light

Christiana

xxx

p.s Bandages ruin outfits.This whole experience has given me the (rather genius) idea of starting a range of customised bandages, eye patches & plasters. I reckon I could be on to something!

Vingt-Trois

Salutations,

It’s my Earthday on Sunday, ergo this will be my final blog entry as a twenty-two year old. As expected, my impending age change has provoked my annual existential crisis. Much of the crisis was caused by the fact that…..

a) I’m officially closer to 25 than 20

b)I’m a step closer to 30 and I read somewhere (or I/a friend could have made it up) post thirty a woman’s breasts begin to sag by a millimetre every 6 months. So by the time she’s 60 unless there is (surgical) intervention, they swing by her waist.

c) Even though people will reassure each other with platitudes like age is just a number and you’re only as old as you feel, those words are lies. If age didn’t matter, it wouldn’t be a basic prerequisite on every form that matters.

d) I don’t like prime numbers.

e) 23 doesn’t sound as sexy as 21 or 25.

f)Absolutely nothing will have changed in the passage of time between the 20th and 21st of March, yet people will insist on asking ‘how does it feel to be Twenty-Three’ * rolls eyes *

g) Lenny Kravitz is yet to find me and propose. Official confirmation that my life plan is completely off-track.

Fortunately, my family and friends (love you guys!) have not only tolerated my melodrama but by saying all the right things have rescued me from my abyss. (At the time of writing) I’m officially over being twenty-two and I’m ready to be vingt- trois (it sounds more glamorous in French doesn’t it?). Although I intended to throw a mahussive party, apart from having champagne + a croissant for breakfast whilst dancing to Major Lazer’s pon de floor, this will be a relatively quiet birthday.

Birthdays, weddings, funerals and paternity suits on Maury Pauvich have the power to make even the most vapid of souls to (over) think about life and what really matters. In light of that, I would like to say a massive thank you to all of you for supporting this blog whilst I’ve been Twenty-Two. It’s been a bit epic!

My aunt recently prayed the following prayer over me…

"Any poor man that wants to come and my marry niece, may he have a flat tyre in Jesus Name"

* Clicks fingers for emphasis *

The use of Christianity to justify materialism aside, I do wish all of you some variant of the above : )

Hopefully you’ll be able to tolerate the rants when I’m vingt-trios. If it looks like it’s not going too well, I’ll follow entertainment industry protocol and adopt a stage age that’s (almost) plausible. Hopefully you’ll all play along and not divulge my secret to any e-gangsters.

Since this post wouldn’t feel right without a list of some sort, I thought I’d share a few of the monumental feats I hope to achieve in the next year.

Things I hope to achieve at Vingt-Trois

1) Find a way of simultaneously buying more clothes and spending less money.

2) Finally own a dress that my mother deems ‘respectable’.

3) Go as Lady GaGa for Halloween, but instead of Diet Coke cans for hair rollers, my brand of choice will be Supermalt.

4) Meditate (more).

5) Even though it contradicts 4, I’ll (finally) start going to boxing classes just in case I come across anyone that tries to pull a Chris Brown. That way I can do an adequate amount of damage.

6) Get my mum to stroke/love an animal. She despises all animals that the law won’t allow her to cook.

7) In the aim of being counter-stereotype, (just once) if it rains and I have no umbrella….I won’t dive for cover. I’ll let my hair get wet * shivers at the thought *

8) Try and figure out what the world finds so fascinating about films. I’ll try and watch one every 6 months.

9) Completely purge myself of my cynical *tendencies or resign to being cynical about the rest of the world and optimistic about myself.

10) Lobby the Greater London Authority to close all the chicken shops in South London and replace them with either vintage clothes stores or learning centres to keep the feral children off the streets.

11) Stop being so easily bribed by the prospect of free food (or anything free for that matter).

12) Learn how to DJ.

13) Discover how to answer invasive, inappropriate questions like Jacqueline Kennedy: with ‘minimum information and maximum politeness’.

14) Meet Margaret Thatcher.

15) Cherish every single moment.

Christiana

xxx

* I prefer the term jaded optimist.

The Long Route

This morning I was given a piece of sobering advice by one of my mentors.

'Quit moaning. Shut up and work. Be resilient, persistent and patient. Above all never stop hustling. It's coming'

Her advice came after a discussion around my habit of magnifying many of my ‘problems’ instead of recognising them as…

1) Opportunities to learn crucial life-lessons
2) Trivial (in the broad scheme of things)

The core of my mentor’s advice was ‘Shut Up and Toughen Up’. A bit like the first time I saw Lil Kim’s new(er) face, my mentor’s advice left me slightly troubled. You see none of us wants to admit (or acknowledge) that we are the source of many of our ‘problems’. I don’t know about you, but I’ve found blaming others to be the easier (and less time consuming) option. More importantly in a society where narcissistic tendencies are the norm, the news that some people have bigger (real) problems, is…well news.

Sidebar: Speaking of narcissism. Dear Kanye, I’m in desperate need of the Swift effect. Please feel free to rudely interrupt me mid-speech, so my income skyrockets. Thank you.

After being sobered by some much-needed wise words, my mentor filled my (rare) window of silence with some observations she’s made.

My mentor guides a number of young people. We range in our careers of choice, ‘class’ backgrounds, ‘ethnic’ backgrounds, religious/sexual orientations, characters and personalities. However despite all our differences, she has spotted a general trend in all our behaviour, something she has labelled as a ‘generational shift’.

In her words…

‘You are all too easily caught up, sidelined, distracted and setback by issues that only made us* work harder. You feel entitled to success but it doesn’t seem like enough of you are willing to work for it’

* When she says us, I figured she meant old(er) people…

Ordinarily, I take it upon myself to defend young people when I feel we’re being attacked. Not because I necessarily think we’re worth defending, but because I like a debate. However I could not honestly sit there and pretend like she was not on to something.

We’re the microwave generation: accustomed to instant results and instant gratification without putting in a corresponding effort. The ubiquity of reality show ‘stars’ that are catapulted to instant fame and wealth (after very little work) has pushed the message it is possible for anyone to be an overnight success. With the ascendance and celebration of ‘stars’ like Katie Price, Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton, we’ve witnessed (and accepted) the divorce of talent and fame. Fame is now manufactured in factory that uses cheap ingredients and to be considered a success doesn’t necessitate substance.

Consequently, instead of pursuing a career that requires the use of their intellect, too many young girls are driven by the desire to be ‘famous’. Famous for what you ask? Curing a disease? Being a stellar athlete? Taking a hammer to the glass ceiling that impedes many women’s progress? Creating the first weave that doesn’t shed? Of course not. That would take investing time and energy into something meaningful.

They want to be famous for being famous. They’re aware having the right image, a sex tape, relationship with a famous(ish) man and an appearance in a music video could potentially equal front covers and lucrative endorsements. These routes aren’t littered with character building obstacles (unless you count a near-death experience getting implants), they’re the easy path to ‘success’.

So we’ve reached a stage when virtues such as patience, discipline and even knowing your craft, are rare. Being ‘discreet’ (or what my Dad calls quietly working away) is out of fashion. Everyone seems to ‘tweet’ before/during/after attending grand ‘meetings’ with big shot execs * rolls eyes* We broadcast and document our ‘fast track’ routes to ‘success’ via any social media tool that allows us to. It used to be business idea → business plan. Now it’s business idea → Facebook status.We’ve become enamoured with hype and shunned work.

The problem with (self-generated) hype with no work ethic is that it’s easily extinguished. Ergo when we encounter a problem that means we’ll have to work that bit harder for that bit longer, instead of digging deep and fighting to make it happen, we surrender.

Even though I knew my mentor would accuse me of playing the blame game, I confessed to her you couldn’t blame us for wanting to take the short cut route to success. What is the incentive in taking the long route when we’re in a cultural space where the opposite is rewarded?


Her response…

‘You see all these people taking the short cut and making it? They won’t last. And for the few that do, they’re not going to leave meaningful legacies. Their existences won’t empower people for good and unless they change they will finish life like they lived it.Filled with discontent because they took the route that required the least effort’

She then said it’s up to us * to daily resolve to be counter the culture.

* I guess when she says us she means us, she means (relatively) young people like you and me.

Aware that there’s a dangerous downward shift, we have a responsibility to be amongst the (growing) number of people who push against it. In our quest to accumulate and achieve, we need to toughen up and be prepared to take the long route. Yes, we’ll get there way after our peers that take the ‘short cut’ . However when we do arrive, we’d have learnt lessons that will allow us to sustain our success for longer. After all it's not getting to the top that matters, it's staying there.

Happy Thursday,


Christiana

xxx

Why?

Happy Friday!

Before I start today’s blog entry….

I’m involved in an online show called Cut the Chat.

Sidebar: If you haven't seen Cut the Chat (www.cutthechat.co.uk) where have you been?

The show features barber to the stars Damon Elleston, BBC 1xtra's Ace, comedian Littleman, Nike's Kymberlee Jay, Kidulthood/Adulthood star Femi O and myself. In a dramatic change of environment, this Sunday we’re filming a very special episode at the Tate Britain. We will have the pleasure of having a (reckless) debate with some special guests (surrounded by really expensive pictures).

Sidebar: In reality they’re a bunch of over-priced abstract pieces of ‘art’ that look like my 3 year old God-daughter created them after being inspired by Dora the Explorer.

We start filming at 2.30 but please arrive at 11am to pick up your tickets, participate in all the other events and guarantee entry. I would love to meet you guys and I think most (if not all) of you will really enjoy the event.

I don’t do hype but in the words of Kanye ‘Don’t act like we never told ya!’.

For more info go on www.tate.org.uk/youngtate/bringthenoise/


It’s Friday. That day in the week where my feeble attempt to speak in an articulate manner goes out the window. There’s only so long I can suppress the South Londoner in me. On Friday’s grunts and monosyllabic words will have to suffice. Therefore the thought of writing a blog entry where I (effectively) explore some social issue is giving me a headache.

As you all know I’m often plagued by questions. As this blog is a forum where I can do what the heck I want * throws up rebel sign * I thought I'd share (and alleviate) my burdens by throwing some of the questions at you guys.

Some of you may have the answer, others are rhetorical questions that only people like myself want an answer to. Either way…

Why?

Did Beyonce and Gaga make a music video that contains such obvious product placement?

Do they never forget to collect the tithes & offering at church?

Do we make grand statements on twitter and sign them off with the phrase #That is All!

Did Susan Boyle always talk about her cats yet I’ve never seen a single pap shot of her walking them?

Did I not make a funky house song when you could make a quick 500 pence + get an extra 1,000 twitter followers through creating one?

Is Obama not delivering the change or hope he was elected for?

Is useful critique dismissed as ‘hating’ and constant praise from sycophants ‘showing love’?

Have I started using the phrase ‘#just saying’ as a sign off when it’s abundantly obvious that no one else just said it but me?

Do people use ‘no offence’ as a prefix when they fully intend to offend?

Is Trey Songz not my ex-husband yet?

Have I got a list of future ex-husbands?

Don’t they sell socks in threes? One is bound to go missing!

Has Facebook suddenly become as disorderly and unpredictable as a weak state?

Do people insist on perpetuating, (rather than living counter) stereotypes?

Ironically….

Don’t people realise I’m not late because I’m black…I’m late because I don’t want to be on time! * Sticks out tongue *

Is being high maintenance perceived as bad thing?

Is this government allowing the voices of the intolerant maniacs on the fringes to stifle the voice of the average citizen?

Does my mum tell me to ‘rebuke the spirit of fatness’? Surely a diet should suffice, if necessary?

Is David Cameron a serious contender for Prime Minister? I doubt he could run a tap, let alone the country.

Do women (sometimes) have to lie about their ‘number’ but men don’t?

Could I do this all day without running out of questions?

Can’t they create a cure for itchy weave? One day some poor woman’s going to die of a brain seizure from tapping her head and then it’ll rise to the top of the national agenda. Prevention is better than cure!

Does Microsoft insist on giving us the illusion of choice and ask us to tick ‘I Agree’ or ‘I Disagree’ when we download new software knowing damn well we never read the agreement and have no choice?

Didn’t Mariah tell me Nick Cannon was her type? I’ve got plenty single uncles. Right now I could do with a woman with Mariah’s income as an aunty.

Don’t they just abolish Monday’s? No one likes them.

Has quirky style become so generic?

Has (commercial) music become so vapid?

Aren’t we allowed to make mistakes in peace, without someone offering their commentary?

Do we often live with one hand tied behind our backs instead of living with both hands reaching for our destinies?

Do problems seem to outnumber solutions?

Christiana

xxx

A letter to my (unborn) teenage daughter

Dear (insert quirky name),

A few weeks ago a magazine asked me to write an article advising teenage girls on how to navigate the choppy waters of their teenage years. Due to my deep-rooted cynicism (I like to call it jaded optimist syndrome) I was unable to write something containing the perfect blend of optimism and enthusiasm. Consequently, my first draft was judged too ‘dark’ for publication and I was advised by the editor to take an ‘alternative direction’.

Sidebar: You will find that the older you become, people find more polite (yet condescending) ways of telling you off.

Unable to re-work the original article without feeling I was compromising my integrity by writing words I didn’t believe in, I thought to myself….

‘What would I like to tell my teenage daughter?’

And after I asked myself that question suddenly writing became much easier. As such, I write this letter as a thank you for helping me reach my submission deadline.

I write with the confidence (or faith) that one day we will meet and if I remember (I probably won't) on the eve of your thirteenth birthday I will hand you this letter. This is all based on the assumption….

a) You will be able to read
b) We’ll be on speaking terms

I am known for my love of expressing myself with bullet points, and despite my desire to write a continuous piece, this letter will be no different.

Here it goes….

My advice for making it out of your teenage years without being irrevocably damaged.

• Most of your peers are trying to be the ‘cool kid’ and hang with the ‘in-crowd’. Hopefully I’ve raised you to be a dissenter (or at the very least a pseudo-socialist). Despite this it is almost inevitable you will go through a phase where you want to conform. My advice? Resist this phase. Learn to Be an Outsider.

• Spend your days trying think of how you can create, rather than consume things. That way when you grow up, you’ll end up being the person who signs the ‘cool kid’s’ cheque.

• If you have inherited my genes, you will never have big breasts. Stop hoping. Today.

• Strive to excel academically but never link your sense of value with academic attainment. After all your greatest lessons will be learnt outside the classroom.

• Learn to shut up when necessary.

• Never chase boys, let them chase you.

• This is the only chunk of your life where you get to shop for clothes using your parent’s money. Relish it.

• Perfect the art of shopping and looking fabulous on a budget.

• Please do not spend your leisure time trying to be an adult. Technically you’re still a child, embrace it.

• I’m old(er)….but not that old(er). If you have a problem or have got yourself into a mess, please do consult me. I give decent(ish) advice. Don’t feel embarrassed to approach me; I’m quite sure I did much worse (even though I like to pretend I didn’t).

• Cleanse, tone and moisturise.

• I’m sure our society is still sex-obsessed and you’re undoubtedly being bombarded with images that promote sex rather than intimacy. And from about 16 onwards I’m pretty certain the virgins in your circle will be an endangered species. Just remember, you have your whole life to have sex. There is a virtue in patiently waiting.

• Bikini waxes are cruelty. You’re banned from undergoing such an ordeal until your 21st birthday.

• Learn to (respectfully) question authority and be unafraid to protest injustice.

• Value your (He)Art over Commerce.

• In my personal faith, I’ve found my truth. So I do hope you’re able to look beyond imperfect man made religious institutions/processes, a world filled tragedy and believe there is a God. Either way, keep your hands clean and your heart pure.

• (If they’re still in production) Read Books.

• There is much you can learn from your grandparents. Spend as much time as you can with them and seek to absorb all they have to teach you.

• I’m sure the size zero debate is (still) raging and like most young women you are under an incredible amount of pressure to be thin. I do not slave away at work to put food on the table only for you to throw it up as an expression of your angst. So Eat Up and Love your body. Flaws and all.


I will be very disappointed if you don’t vehemently debate at least two of the above recommendations. Because I hope to have raised you to speak your mind, fight for truth and live your own love story, in spite of the opinions and reactions of those around you.

I’m sure that I have made many errors over the years; I pray none of them critical enough that you discard this letter in its entirety. I hope I have demonstrated love, not just spoken of it and the values I attempt to teach you, are illustrated (albeit imperfectly) in my life first.

The next few years will be a life transforming emotional roller coaster. If you don’t remember anything I write, do or say, one thing you must carry with you is that this letter demonstrates how special you are. After all you were able to inspire without even being present.

Happy Birthday!

Love,

Mum

xxx

He's Perfect....but

Whenever I speak to my female friends, acquaintances or even random strangers and they say ‘I’ve met someone’, naturally I’ve become accustomed to anticipate them saying….

‘He’s perfect…but…..’

And then comes some variant of the following statements….

He’s perfect….but he hasn’t worked for 4 years and lives in a shoe.

He’s perfect…but he has 7 kids with 4 women and quadruplets on the way.

He's perfect....but he's not really right for me

He’s perfect…. but he’s a conspicuous consumer has a land rover, but owns no land and lives a champagne lifestyle on lemonade money

He’s perfect …..but he’s married.

Ordinarily a man being married would be legitimate ground for the termination of a relationship. Even a sugar high toddler has the ability to decipher the relationship has as much chance of success as a Jedward neo-soul album. Sadly love/lust/great sex has the ability to inhibit sense.

So when I ask…..

‘Why are you staying when there are so many other/better men?’

Almost instinctively she will launch into a lengthy justification explaining how the relationship can potentially work. Even though deep down we both know she’s not trying to convince me, she’s trying to convince herself.

I don’t judge such women, because I have been that woman. In fact I genuinely believe most women over the age of 18 have been in a relationship where they have ignored their instincts and persisted, believing it can somehow work out. Yet in the end all they’ve done is capitulated, exchanging their self-esteem for a man that wasn’t good enough.

It seems too many women are tolerant towards the intolerable, yet intolerant towards the tolerable. How many of us have a strict height requirement? Or only go for men who look a certain way? Or drive a certain car? Yet the same level of pickiness rarely applies when examining a man’s character or values.

The frequency with which I come across amazing woman with men ‘who are perfect but… (insert reason that would normally be a deal breaker)’ is terrifying. What’s interesting is that there isn’t a ‘type’ of woman that’s attracted to ‘broken men’. You can’t stratify this phenomenon. It cuts across every boundary man uses to carve us up, whether it’s social class, race, education or level of income. Women all around the world are in situations where they are lying to themselves saying ‘he’s perfect…but…’

So why do we persist in inviting such men into our lives? The fact is if we took the time and looked carefully enough, we’d all discover contrary to the rumour there isn’t a ‘good men drought’. There are good men in abundance.

What’s even more bewildering is that women don’t seem to be talking about this issue. Sure we’ll berate men in open forums, jest about our habit for picking up ‘losers’ and sing man-hating R&B anthems at the top of our lungs. However we rarely probe what drives us to settle for less in the first place. And if we don’t probe the issue, how will we ever solve it?

In this era of post feminism, where we speak freely about bikini waxes and orgasms, it seems our freedom of speech is limited to the superficial. Despite our reputation for being emotional creatures, the need to be perceived as strong, means we’re unwilling to excavate emotions that make us seem vulnerable. Therefore a woman making a public admission of being attracted to broken men is rare.

So we continue to speak extensively about the minor things (weaves, make-up, clothes) but we skirt around life changing discussions.

Yet the truth is women that appear to have it all often don’t and are plagued with an ailment, that isn’t easy to cure. Admitting one has a thing for toxic men is an uncomfortable truth and in the short run it’s easier to avoid it. However this isn’t the movies, where women who persistently pick bad men, are suddenly swept off their feet by Prince Charming and live happily ever after.

This is real life.

Where the universe dictates that unless we decide to become captains of our own ship, things won’t magically change. Refusal to acknowledge or deal with the problem, means the cycle will only continue. And it’s a cycle Cupid can’t break; we have to do it for ourselves.

Christiana

xxx

p.s If any of you are free on Friday evening and in London, come support a friend of mine Jay Brown. She’s a really talented singer/songwriter/musician, playing at a night called 'Bangers & Mash', at the Legion, 348 Old Street, Shoreditch. She’s on at 9pm and it’s £5 on the door. Please show your support and come down!!!