22 Things Films teach you about love vs. 22 Things Life teaches you about love

If you read this blog regularly you’ll be aware that I'm not the biggest fan of watching films or going to the cinema. Despite a public vow that I would change, I’ve only been to the cinema once this year. When I was younger I didn’t have to be coerced or bribed into watching films and I’m not sure at what precise moment I became disenchanted with them. I used to love shallow teen flicks and romantic comedies. In fact such films were my main information resource as to how I would fall in love and what love was supposed to be.

Now I’m an adult (albeit a reluctant one) and I’m sieving truth from error, I’ve discovered things often don’t go the way the movies tell us they will. Perhaps that’s the root of my film resentment and rejection. The discovery the information I was gathering about love, life and relationships was false, has traumatised me beyond repair. Secondary School is nothing like ‘Clueless’ and no matter how much you listen to the radio, your ‘Sleepless in Seattle’ moment probably won’t happen.

I’m aware that the blog content over the past couple of weeks has been a bit heavy (See ‘How To Get Over Someone’) and since I woke up in a facetious mood, today I thought I’d post something lighter.

22 things films teach you about love

VS.


22 things life teaches you about love.

22 things films teach you about Love

1)There is such a thing as love at first sight. Love at first sight is followed by a season of denial, then the admission that "from the moment I set my eyes on you I knew you were the one". In the real world such an admission will induce nausea and/or suspicion.

2)You may fall in love with one of your best friends

3) Love comes naturally and bar a few convulsions the path of true love is smoother than a bald man’s head.

4) You need to have a friend who's fatter than you in order to fall in love.

5)A damsel in distress scenario precedes ‘love at first sight’ moments. Engineer them.

6) True Love is inappropriate.

7)Love and prolonged infatuation are the same thing.

8)It’s better to be mute and walking on earth with the man of your dreams, than under the sea living like a princess.

9)Being in possession of big breasts paired with a waist so narrow it borders on invisible, will accelerate the falling in love process. A face paralysed by botox helps also.

10)If he has second thoughts on the wedding day and leaves you a voicemail saying he wants out, that’s ok. Real love is riddled with doubt and contradiction.

11)You will gain the courage to confess you’re in love at the most socially inconvenient moment in time. That’s also ok.

12) Dying for love (well killing yourself for love) is the highest expression of love.

(Wasn't that a book first? Then made into a mediocre film, but it was all worth it just for this vocal performace ---->Click Here )

13) People have to almost lose you in order to truly love you.

14) Your instinct is always right. Trust it.

15) Openly obsessing about love and making it the focal point of all your activity makes you more attractive.

16) It's easier to find love if you haven't used your uterus. However if you have used your uterus, fret not! Try a failing sports agent or any failing man for that matter. Only men with limited options desire women with kids.

17) Not many Asian/Black/Latina/Mixed/white women that don't fit a narrow Hollywood phenotype find love. Fortunately such women are more than qualified for being the best friend and chief bridesmaid for the woman who does find love. * Claps hands in Glee *

18) Love makes you feel superhuman.

19) After living a life free of carbs, being in love is the most glamorous form of validation.

20) Whatever he does, forgive him.

21) Being a cold-hearted bitch with control issues then reforming into a warm hearted quasi bitch with control issues demonstrates that love will change you for the better.

22) You only get one shot at love.


22 things life teaches you about Love

1) Sometimes you have to lose love first in order to gain it.

2) It's indefinable, indescribable and used so flippantly it's been perverted. It certainly cannot be condensed down to 22 things.

3) It’s a simple or complicated as you make it.

4) Love never dies when relationships end.Like energy love transforms into another state. Perhaps it’s anger, pity, indifference, bitterness or sadness. However Love cannot die.

5) It makes you gain weight.

6) It makes you not mind when you've gained weight.

7) When it ‘ends’ 6 will no longer be true.

8) You may or may not call your friends as much as you used to.

9) Like Mulan you’ll leave your personal paradise for unknown shores.

10) The debate over whether it can be bought is valid one.

11) Like death, it is a reminder that we are human, mortal and temporary beings. The fun part is, unlike death, we get to see who’s genuinely happy or sad when we’ve experienced it.

12) You have to work at it. Every. Single. Day. Most can’t be bothered

13) Make up can only attract for a certain amount of time. It’s what’s on the inside that sustains.

14) Love exists in the space between the regions of insanity and sanity. Its endurance requires us to oscillate from region to region depending on the circumstances.

15) True love and prolonged infatuation are very different, yet they feel so similar we can easily misidentify one for the other.

16) Love will change you, but not necessarily in the way you’d hoped.

17) Your instinct could be wrong. Nevertheless, trust it.

18) Love isn’t just about words it’s about works.

19) “Love without sacrifice is theft” Nassim Taleb. Sacrifice requires a spirit of humility and the belief that someone else’s needs override yours. That is difficult.

20) The phrase ‘love yourself’ has been thrown around so much it’s become a banal cliché. However loving other people without loving yourself is a slow form of death.

21) To paraphrase Victor Hugo ‘One can resist the invasion of an army but one cannot resist the invasion of love’

22) Learning to love is a journey with no finish line.


Love & Light

Christiana xxx