Daughter. Sister. Friend. Believer. Warrior. Writer. Voracious reader. Shoe Lover. Car Accident Survivor. Quasi philosopher. Prone to circumlocution. Beyonce stan. Retired cynic. On a quest to make a dent in the universe. Impossible to summarise in a few words.
I loved September growing up. The anticipation of the impending school year and knowing I’d finally be getting a new school uniform meant I was in a perpetual state of excitement. I relished going to WH Smith with The Duchess to buy new stationery. We’d get to the till and she’d say to me in a menacing whisper ‘if you lose any of these things I will not replace a thing…..’. I’d smirk inwardly knowing full well African pride would prevent her from ever allowing me to be the child with sub-standard stationery.
The only thing I dreaded about September was shoe shopping. As a child I had awkwardly shaped feet, so it was the sartorial equivalent of Chinese water torture. We usually began shoe shopping in mid-August and capitulated the day before I went back to school. It was a clash of wills between my mother and I. I wanted trendy shoes whilst she wanted practical shoes that I would ‘grow into’.
Sidebar: Am I the only person who had parents obsessed with buying their children clothes they could ‘grow’ into?
Shoe shopping always ended in tears. I would dramatically declare I would rather die than wear ugly shoes and my mum would remind me she wouldn’t hesitate to call social services if I didn’t shut up.
Torturous shopping trips aside, I still look back on Septembers past with fondness. Each rung I climbed up the school ladder required a new level of commitment, responsibility and represented a new phase of learning. I’ve always loved change and September meant change was being forced upon me and passivity wasn’t an option. September presented the challenges the pugnacious part of me sought. And as my enthusiasm for education dwindled, September meant I was a step closer to finally getting out of institutions I’d come to loathe.
Today I’m at a stage in life where September no longer bears the same significance nor does it produce the same wave of emotions. There’s no back to school flurry, no pep talks from parents/teachers encouraging me to strive for more and there’s no collective sense of excitement amongst my peers about what the future holds. One of the downsides of adulthood is the only time in the year we get a semblance of that old September feeling is at the beginning of January. When we sit down and write down resolutions we lack the resolve to keep, then tuck them away in a draw where they’re forgotten.
I miss that old September feeling and all the good it evoked within me. It’s been a year since I left university and I miss that rush of determination I gained upon the start of a new academic year. However I’d rather slow dance with a fox whilst wearing Lady GaGa’s meat dress, than spend more time in education.
After spending time wondering how I could recapture that September feeling without being imprisoned sorry enrolling in a university, yesterday it hit me. I’d attached too much significance on the temporal. I’d foolishly associated a frame of mind, with a time frame. The ‘September feeling’ I miss is possible on any day of the year. It’s not about the season, it’s about my mentality during whatever season I’m in. That unshakable belief that in the coming year anything would be possible if I worked hard enough could happen on any day. It shouldn’t have to take the arrival of September 1st or January 1st for me to believe in it.
I still wish every day could be like the first day back at school, when we thought ‘this year is really going to be different’ and we’d work extra hard to impress our new teacher. On the other hand the reality is every day isn’t the first day of school. However I don't think this fact should hinder us from actively seeking to tap into that first day of school feeling......I guess the 'September feeling' I've been harping on about is just my feeble attempt at describing Optimism in poetic terms.
If we manage to recapture that ‘feeling’ it’s our responsibility to maintain it. When we find its source, we must daily go back to it, grab on to it and then run with it. We must run so we maintain the momentum necessary for our goals and dreams to become a reality.And on those days when everything goes really disastrously (let’s be real no mater how many positive thoughts we think awful things will happen) at least we'll know we can return to the source of that ‘September feeling’ when we recover from the blow.
I've discovered our perception of our reality determines our reality as much as reality itself, so I’m on a mission to daily tap into that ‘September’ feeling. It's not a contrived effort to create waves of nostalgia or an attempt to live on the highs of the past. Rather this is about using the positive and determined outlook I'd wrongly associated with a pocket of time (rather than a frame of mind), to create greater moments in the present and empower me in the future.
For those that understand where I’m coming from and crave something similar, you’re more than welcome to join me. I figure if we do it often enough, for long enough, before we know it we’ll have that 'September feeling' all year round.
Love & Light
P.S Thanks for your patience during my blog break. I’ll be resuming with my normal posting schedule (three times a week). Let’s go!!!! : )