Are expensive dates worth it?

A while back I agreed to go on a date. Considering my first interaction with the young man convinced me he posed a threat to society, it wasn’t the wisest decision to agree. However when I agreed I gave a non-binding ‘yes of course we’ll do dinner sometime….’ reply. Despite my vague response a few days later I received a text with the address of a restaurant and the date/time of a dinner reservation. I thought it was a slightly abrasive approach to dating but our mutual friend assured me that he was being ‘assertive’.

In spite of my reservations I decided it would be dishonourable to cancel the date due to ‘period pains’.

Sidebar: Period pains were the easiest way of getting out of P.E in Secondary School. 10 years later and I still use the same excuse to avoid doing things I don’t want to do. What that says about me….I don’t know.

I’d recently purchased an oversized blazer with pockets big enough to conceal a rape alarm and penknife (I’m joking about the penknife part…)(I lied that I was joking). So I concluded that as I’d be well dressed and semi-armed there was no real harm in showing up.

Just before I left my house I decided to Google the restaurant. My mouth dropped when I saw the prices.

Sidebar: According to my ‘stiletto price index’ (I peg everything against the price of shoes) the meal could pay for a few pairs of sexy shoes.

I’ve never been a fan of expensive restaurants. In light of the fact we excrete everything we consume, the food never seems to taste good enough justify the exorbitant price. I think it’s the prestige attached to dining in such establishments that attract its clientele, rather than the quality of the food itself. However I wasn’t paying, so I wasn’t complaining.

The evening started well but as soon as the food arrived the date proceeded to go downhill. I’ve never been a big fan of food and have always eaten for survival rather than enjoyment (No Anorexia). What’s even more problematic is the fact my spirit is liberal but my palate is prejudiced.

Sidebar: This prejudice extends to food from my own culture, I’m not a fan of English/Nigerian cuisine * ducks from virtual bullets *

I tried to eat up and failed. I then proceeded to shove food around my plate to make it seem like I’d eaten.Unsurprisingly, bar a text to find out if I got home ok, after that evening I never heard from the young man again.

Fast forward a few months later and I ran into our mutual friend. He asked me why I thought things had dwindled after one date. I stated I suspected his friend had incorrectly concluded I was bitch with an eating disorder and was (understandably) annoyed that I’d wasted his money. I was wrong.

It seems the main source of his annoyance was the fact I didn’t seem impressed by the restaurant. Now I vividly recall saying and texting ‘thank you for a lovely evening’, because I appreciated the effort he'd made. However I refuse to give a man points just because a restaurant is expensive. My parents taught me to receive every gift with an equal amount of gratitude, irrespective of its price. That idea has been transplanted into my dating philosophy. I don’t get hung up on the price of the date or the prestige of my surroundings; wherever I end up I’m just grateful for the effort and sacrifice made.

The problem is, the young man has bought into the myth that all women are so materialistic spending a lot of money on a date is enough to ensure a date turns out well. When in actual fact there’s little or no correlation between the price of the date and the quality/outcome of the evening. There’s a great pressure placed on men to spend a lot on dates (some bankrupting themselves in the process), however just because it costs a lot, doesn’t mean it’s going to be valuable. Ironically the elements that make dates enjoyable are free. Elements such as being able to conduct a stimulating conversation, being attentive, responsive, engaging, entertaining, witty, funny, none of which can be bought or faked.

When I expressed my stance on this topic to a friend she said......

‘Well I think if you blog about this you’re sending out the wrong message. Women are worth and deserve the best, that includes the luxury of expensive dates.”.

I was bewildered by her response. When did the worth of a woman become contingent on how much is spent on her? Does that mean if a man takes me to Nando's he thinks I’m worth less, and by accepting his offer I automatically become less? I think the ‘I deserve expensive dates because I’m worth it’ idea reinforces the perverse logic that a woman’s worth can be quantified. And the day a woman uses how much a man spends on her as the yardstick with which she measures her self-worth, she’s no longer worth much because she’s devalued herself.

My opinion is that men (or women) shouldn’t spend an excessive amount on dates because the factors that really matter are free. However it doesn't matter what I think because many will continue to bankrupt themselves unnecessarily.

Considering the nature of this post it’ll probably come as no surprise that one of the best dates I’ve ever been on cost absolutely nothing. Then again that doesn't lend further credence to my theory as it could have been a complete fluke. So what's your view? Are expensive dates worth it? Should a woman be impressed by a man who spends more? Or is it all dependent on the people involved? As ever please weigh in!

Christiana

xxx