In the past few weeks, I have had to politely decline going on numerous dates with men that my family and friends took it upon themselves to set me up with. Now I know they have my best interests at heart and my reluctance to be set up on dates is a bit counter-intuitive. I know I probably seem like an uppity ingrate. It’s just that I’m not a fan of blind dates! The term alone doesn’t exactly inspire confidence! Furthermore when it comes to being set up with people, my history is littered with screw-ups.
The last time I was coerced into a blind date the word disastrous doesn’t even suffice as a description for what happened. It was so awful it made me want to rip out my uterus and then become a nun. Just to ensure if I was ever overtaken by a sudden madness (or desperation) and entertained a relationship with such a man, the two of us could never be able to punish the world by procreating.
Sidebar: The date post-mortem conducted with a few friends revealed that politics, religion and finance are the three topics to avoid on a first (blind) date.
Despite the fact history demonstrates that setting me up with someone is probably not going to work, my friends and family persist in their quest to get me with someone they deem appropriate.
A few days ago my friend approached me with another ‘perfect candidate’ who managed to meet (what he perceives as) my ‘stringent’ criteria. After he plugged Mr Perfect for about 10 minutes I said …
‘Thanks but no thanks. I think I’ll pass on this one. I know you’ve already agreed on my behalf so to save face tell Mr Perfect I have swine flu. Or I’m busy because I’m going through the final surgery for my gender reassignment.’
Perplexed that I wasn’t giddy with excitement at the prospect of meeting Mr Perfect, my friend gave me the ‘stop being so picky’ speech. Unfortunately he’s completely misunderstood me. I don’t think I’m being picky. It’s just that (much to the distress of my mum and aunt) I’m going through a phase I've called ‘dating inertia’. Suddenly I’ve taken the decision to grind my dating life to a halt. Why? I just cannot be bothered....!
It’s not like I’ve ever been a dating enthusiast. Like bras, I think dates are a necessary evil. They're there to give support but rarely prove to be a good fit. However I am aware if I continue with my dating inertia, I may end up being an old bag lady with saggy tits, who sits on a sofa surrounded by newspapers and sexy stilettos, but I can’t wear the stilettos because I’ve had a double hip replacement (I’m divulging my deepest fear here guys!).
The reaction to my decision to go through a 'no dating phase' hasn't been positive.
Sidebar: My aunt (literally) fell on her knees in a very dramatic Nigerian (film) fashion and wailed ‘Jesus! How will this girl ever get married? ’. She then took the opportunity to pray to God that I would never have to have sex with a broke man (I’m being very serious).
I think part of the problem is I don’t have a great justification for my dating inertia. I’d love to be able to say I’m finding myself, that I’m on this incredible journey of self-discovery and I don’t want any interruptions. But I’d be lying. I just simply cannot be bothered.
The funny thing is, like my brief obsession with the colour pink, my dating inertia is (probably) a phase that one day I’ll look back on with a mix of horror and bewilderment. However the reaction to it is making me want to stick here for a bit longer!
What irks me is that if I was a man I probably wouldn’t be questioning my decision or be questioned for my decision! Single men are allowed to just be. Whatever they choose to do isn’t judged or inspected by their nearest and dearest. After all they have no expiry date, with age they appreciate in value. Single women? Unfortunately patriarchy means the opposite (apparently) occurs. With time we become ‘devalued’ and a less attractive commodity on the dating market place. This means single women have to deal with things that single men don’t. Constant questions about the state of their love life, the reminder that they need to ‘lower the bar’ and of course loving friends and family attempting to play matchmaker. And I think that’s part of my resistance. I don’t want to be helped from my apparent ‘helplessness’. And I definitely don’t want to conform and jump back into dating rat race.
Apparently we’ve evolved so much as a society the common belief is all single women are obsessed with not being single. And any woman who chooses not be obsessed with freeing herself from the 'chains' of singlehood is either…
a) Lying to herself
c) The kind of woman who licks car windows for a hobby e.g. a weirdo
Which can’t be true can it? Even the SATC ladies who spent many lunches speaking about men at least had another obsession…clothing!
What’s causing me to believe that I may be option a (or even option b), is that I keep running into women who are afraid to be alone and perpetuate the myth that single women are men obsessed.
So…. I have a few questions for you guys….!
Am I alone? Am I abnormal? Are there other women out there who have gone through brief phases when they couldn’t be bothered to date? (and since my aunt will kill me if I don’t ask this question) What do you think is the cure for dating inertia?
Let me know!