Late last night I tweeted the following:
“Obama election night I went to bed hoping I'd wake up to a better world. UK election & I'm going bed knowing I'll wake up to mediocrity”
I was wrong.
Instead of waking up to mediocrity, I awoke to a hung parliament (which is undoubtedly the most Googled term in the UK today). This is political chaos and it’s all very annoying.
Sidebar: Come back Tony Blair. All is forgiven.
As everyone is (understandably) speaking about the debacle of an election we’ve had, I’ve decided a blog entry non-election related is what we all need. Every now and then I do a retrospective blog post where I outline a few of the things I’ve learnt thus far. Sometimes it’s about a particular person (click here for my personal favourite) but usually it's broad and a bit random.
As we’ve spent a disproportionate amount of the day speaking about a bunch of poorly dressed men, I thought I’d continue with the theme and write about the lessons I’ve learnt about men, from the men I love (and loathe).
All these lessons are subject to change and I may disagree with them in a few years. Why? I’m evolving. I’ve concluded the whole point of these confusing years (aka my twenties) is to discover everything I thought I knew (and believed) in my teenage years isn’t quite how I envisioned it. So please humour me if you disagree with any of the below, there is a possibility within a few years I’ll disagree with myself : )
Lessons I’ve learnt about men, from men
1) It’s not a good idea to send a mocking text to a man when his football team has just lost a crucial match. Men should be allowed to grieve about sport in peace.
2) They mean what they say. For instance ‘ I don’t want a relationship’ really does mean to ‘I don’t want a relationship’, not ‘I don’t want a relationship but I will be seduced, manipulated and cajoled into one’. Any woman who sticks around when a man has made this clear only has herself to blame.
3)Unlike women their lies are much easier to detect.
4) The maxim ‘once a cheat always a cheat’ is false. Reformed (male) cheaters are a bit like reformed terrorists. They’re out there, but for obvious reasons the world would rather not broadcast their transformation.
5)Using how a man treats (or mistreats) his mother isn’t the most accurate litmus test in trying to find out how he’ll treat his girlfriend/wife.
6) They’re not the most sophisticated creatures. In fact if their basic needs are fulfilled (doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure those needs out) they’re pretty happy. However, they’re simultaneously really deep and somehow manage to conceal a plethora of emotions. In short, unlike women they successfully repress their madness and release it via sport, video games or complaining about the electricity bill.
7) They often pretend they have no idea what women are up to, when they know exactly what’s going on. The only exception to this rule are surprise birthday parties.
8) They’re the best people to tell your deepest darkest secrets to. Not because they easily forget, but simply because they weren’t listening that carefully in the first place.
9) Good men > Waste Men > Billionaire men who want to marry me
10) Men that stick by a woman after she cheats on him are about as common as barking cats.
11) They like Sex and the City but won't admit it for fear of condemnation.
12) Feminist literature is wrong. Chasing a man (rather than allow him to pursue you) is a right women should refrain from exercising.
13) If they utter the phrase ‘I’ll call you back’ it’s the equivalent of me saying ‘ Bread Zaaap Zoom’. Meaningless.
14) They’re as equally misunderstood as women. It’s just they complain less.
15) The things us women think they care about, they often couldn’t care less about.
16) Society has created massive expectations for men to fulfill. Unfortunately some can’t match up because
a) Absent fathers means many haven’t been taught how
b) They lack adequate support from the people around them to help them become the man they could be
17) Good food matters.
18) The men the world labels as ‘players’ often aren’t getting as much play as they’d like us to believe. * smirks *
19) They find (slightly) crazy women (very) sexy.
20) Men like my dad are living proof that contrary to the picture the media paint, there are many great men out there, willing to give the world for the women they love.