I hope you all had a fabulous weekend. I’d love to document mine…but it’s not that kind of blog!
Today I realised that next year the first set of 80s babies will turn the big 3-0. Which is mental because 80s babies aren’t supposed to grow up…not this quickly anyway.
Since I connect everything to a social event and an opportunity to buy an outfit for that social event, I’ve had the foresight to realise I’m going to spend the next decade attending a whole heap of 30th birthday parties. And shopping for those birthday parties.
Even though my next best friend to turn 30 does so in 4 years time, my 30th won’t be until 2017 and my age range still haven’t hit 25. …..
I couldn’t help but think…
We’re actually growing up!
As I’ve documented on this blog, I’m not enjoying growing up, because ‘grown up’ experiences aren’t as glamorous as I thought they would be.
Between 16 and 17, I couldn’t wait to drive. Today there is no joy in driving because petrol is so expensive I spend half the time looking at the gauge wondering where the hell my petrol has gone!
I remember when I couldn’t wait to wear heels like my mum. Now I’ve worn heels so much I was referred to a podiatrist who recommended I wear flats all the time. She also gave me two ‘foot lifts’ to insert in my comfortable shoes, which would ensure that when I grow old I’ll be able walk comfortably.
Sidebar: I wore the foot lifts once and never went to see her again. Heels till I die.* throws up fist *
Growing up is wholly overrated. All it means is that now I have to work (and get taxed) for the things I took for granted as a child. I’m not going to complain too much because it’s either getting older or death. I know what option I prefer.
Since I’m going through a phase where my posts are more self-reflective (I normally use the term self-indulgent, but one of you guys left a lovely comment and gave me the correct term) I decided to mix it up a bit today.
I haven’t done a ‘list’ post in a while, so I thought I’d blend a list with my self reflective phase and write down a few practical things I wish I fully comprehended before I turned 22.
22 Things I wish I understood before I hit 22…….
1) Never ask a man the same question (repeatedly) and expect a nice response when he finally gives you a different answer.
2) If you can get something for free, don’t pay for it.
3) If you’re good at something, don’t do it for free. ‘Exposure’ with all its apparent benefits never cleared anyone's overdraft. If they think you’ll earn them a profit, yet still refuse to pay you…tell them to go kill themselves.
4) Let love find you. It’s the best way as chasing it rarely works out.
5) All humans are annoying. Humans are everywhere. There are annoying human everywhere. (Syllogism). The trick is to pretend really annoying people are invisible.
6) Don’t tell people your plans. The fun is in executing your dreams and watching people trying to figure out how you made them happen.
7) Always inconvenience yourself for your family and friends.
8) The easiest way to chat a man up (but give the impression you’re not chatting him up) is to compliment him on something he’s wearing.
9) Picking a side when two friends are fighting is the equivalent of shaving off your eyebrows then drawing them back on. Bad move.
10) If you lose a friend after a viscous argument, don’t go around telling people how badly it ended. Just as you should never speak ill of the dead, never speak ill of dead friendships. Let all dead friendships rest in peace, that way they can’t come back to haunt you.
11) No matter what you do some people just won’t like you, don’t you dare spend time trying to change their minds.
12) Just because someone wants what’s best for you, doesn’t mean they know what’s best for you. Stick to your instincts.
13) Rejection is as inevitable as bad weaves in South London. It’s how you react to it that matters.
14) Save before you spend.
15) People who constantly refer to themselves in the third person have lost touch with reality. Avoid them.
16) Quit moaning, some people have real problems.
17) Emotional outbursts just make you look crazy.
18) Before you harp on about ‘being true to yourself’ figure out who you really are. It’ll help things in the long run.
19) You have the right to get dressed up whenever you see fit. Ergo never contemplate not wearing something because you’re worried about how people will perceive you. Every day in life is a fashion opportunity.
20) Enjoy secondary school, sixth form and university. Compared to the real world, all three are a walk in the park.
21) You’ll renege on your vow never to join a private members club. Stop making vows in front of audiences, it’s just stupid!
22) You’ll cry when Michael Jackson dies…don’t be so hard on him. We all have issues.
Peace, Love and Billie Jean