I recently had a discussion with Bag Lady and a friend of ours named X and we were discussing the fact that countless women believe there are no good men left.
In the course of that conversation we managed to ascertain a number of crucial things about the apparent good men crisis.
- There is no universal authority/definition by which we can measure good men against. In fact the whole notion of a good man is relative to the perspective of the females around him. For Danielle a good man may be a man who cheats less than he used to, only hits her when he’s drunk but always pays the bills. Whilst for Sally a good man may be a guy who can buy her Gucci and attends church regularly. The good men parameters are so wide the very concept of a good man is entirely redundant.
- Our pedantic preoccupation with definitions aside, we all know good men exist. However there's a recession and women are no longer dumping men for trivial reasons. As such the apparent good men crisis is being exacerbated by the economic crisis and like the housing market the good man market is crashing. Women are holding on harder to their men and good men who are single are aware that the fiscal costs of a relationship means they’re better off alone.
- Both good and bad women hound good men. In fact the quest to find (trap) a good man, will often turn an otherwise good woman very nasty. The level of digustiness that women reduce themselves in order to get a good man, it’s no wonder why some women believe that good men no longer exist. It’s because they're busy hiding away from crazy women!
Suddenly X made an incredibly powerful and profound statement. In fact it was so deep we didn’t speak over him for the next 3 seconds. And if you know Bag Lady and I personally, you will be aware that is an incredible achievement
SideBar: X is the friend that everyone thought was stupid until you started to listening to what they said and watching what they did. And then everyone realised that they’re not only smart but quite dangerous. Despite this when X has his ‘smart moments’ we’re all still shocked because we still forget his IQ isn’t negative.
X said and I quote
"It’s not that there aren't any good men. It's just that good men often do bad things, and women wrongly believe they’re bad men”
* Can we please have a moment of silence? *
Now as we processed that statement, we asked X to explain himself properly and here is an abridged version of his argument…
- Society has created a role for men, that most men can't match as they lack the capacity to do so. Men have never had a revolution akin to the feminist revolution where they could question the unrealistic expectations that women place on them. These unrealistic expectations are compounded by the fact that many women don’t support their men, because they don’t realise men need support.
- There are millions of men trying to be good men but they fail daily because they don’t have magazines, Oprah and family members teaching them how to handle the opposite sex. Women get this advice daily from about the age of 12.
- Therefore many men fail at being good men because it’s the equivalent of making a blind man do an eye test.
At this point we completely agreed with everything X had said. X then proceeded to give us various examples of how good men are incorrectly framed as bad men because women fail to understand the idiosyncrasies of the male gender.
For example if a man doesn’t call a woman back, it’s often interpreted as an act of spite. Yet X argues unless a man is a man bitch, the spite gene is absent from his DNA. The truth is most men just don’t like talking on the phone for excessive periods of time.
The only reason a man would willingly speak on the phone for hours is if it’s at the inception of a relationship. This is because all men are aware that unless you’re dealing with a less discerning woman (he used the word hoe), you’re going to have to put in some phone conversation time to get to your desired outcome.
But then X put his foot in it by saying…
‘A good man could cheat on his woman, it wouldn’t make him a bad man'
At this point we were completely appalled/disgusted/unsurprised so we asked X to justify himself. His argument followed the typical ‘men don’t associate sex with emotions like women do’, ‘sex for men is just not that deep’, ‘just because he cheated on her doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her’ line.
In response to his vacuous justification Bag Lady asked….
‘If your girlfriend cheated on you, would she still be a good woman?’
‘The way girls are raised means and the way women are means that women that cheat are either conniving social deviants or too damaged to even bother with. A lot of men that cheat do so because they’re good but weak. Women that cheat are being evil.’
At this point I realised there was no point continuing the conversation as X had decided that his sole aim in life was to wind us up and be an ignoramus. However what bothered me most was that despite some questionable views X is what I would still call a good guy. He holds down a job, loves his mum, pays his taxes, if he has a girlfriend she’s fed/watered sufficiently and he would probably help a stray cat.
So we turned to X and asked…
How bad have things got that the good guy bar is so low, specimens like you are considered good guys?
Furthermore where on earth did we go wrong and who do we blame?
Is it women for allowing good guy to get away with bad guy behaviour simply because they were good guys?
Or good guys aware of the fact they were rare commodities and so they took advantage of their good guy status?
We couldn’t solve this one.
What say you?
Peace, Love and Houses