Daughter. Sister. Friend. Believer. Warrior. Writer. Voracious reader. Shoe Lover. Car Accident Survivor. Quasi philosopher. Prone to circumlocution. Beyonce stan. Retired cynic. On a quest to make a dent in the universe. Impossible to summarise in a few words.
A few days ago I received a phone call from a friend that calls me approximately every 5 months. His name is Mr User.
Despite the fact Mr User is a user (not the drug addict type, but the type of trifling acquaintance that only calls you when they need something) I still pick up his phone calls. Simply because whenever he calls I know there’s some entertaining idiocy afoot. Last time he called me he needed an alibi….I refused
This is what Mr User called me to say….
‘I think I’m in love’
A few minutes into the conversation I ascertained that Mr User wasn’t in love and informed him that the worst thing he could possibly do was tell his girlfriend he loved her when this wasn’t the case
Unfortunately Mr User is about as discerning as a high crack head, so following our conversation he promptly informed his girlfriend that he doesn’t love her, but he really cares…
* huge sigh *
Now I wasn’t attempting to destroy Mr User’s relationship and if I am indeed really the source his relationship’s ruination I will say I was merely the catalyst rather than the cause. But considering I’ve added anther one of my friend’s girlfriends to my ‘Former Facebook Friends’ collection, I’ve decided to share with the Christiana Rants community, what I shared with Mr User.
More than Like, Less than Love (MLLL)
Disclaimer: - The below information is not based on extensive research, scientific evidence or survey of any kind. It all comes from my head. I have been living on a diet of Red Bull, Coffee and Cookie Dough ice cream so it doesn’t come from the healthiest place. However at the time of writing it seemed pretty plausible.
We are taught that most relationships will go through the following cycle….
You meet them. You like them. You love them. Then you hate them.
That’s life. The average person will go through this cycle at least 3 times in their lifetime. Of course there are some people that get stuck at one stage of the cycle. I have a friend that’s perpetually stuck in the ‘meeting’ stage and I also know a girl who has been in the ‘hate’ stage since we left Secondary School (yeah I know she needs to get a life).
However bar these anomalies most people will pass through this cycle enough times to learn that life isn’t perfect, people are flawed and to find love you have to love yourself first.
There is a stage in this (generally) futile cycle that people often forget. And that’s because most people don’t actually realise that they’re in this stage. It’s the stage between like and love. You more than like them, but you less than love them.
Am I making any sense?
Probably not, let me demonstrate.
When you like someone it’s not that big a deal, there’s nothing dramatic about being in the state of ‘like’. Heck you can like 5 people at the same time and not feel any guilt. And if a person that you like doesn’t call you back, sure you may care but you’re not going to lose any sleep over it.
However, when you love someone (define love as you see fit, it’s a complex relative construct) it’s a big deal.
Yet there is an emotional state between like and love (kind of like a relationship purgatory) that many individuals get trapped in. Now because it’s more sophisticated and mature than infatuation people often misidentify it as love.
And that’s because it’s equally addictive, counter-intuitive, self-destructive, thrilling and fulfilling. But it’s not love.
You just more than like them. But you don’t love them.
Unfortunately humans are idiots and most are all too hasty to be in love.
So there are millions of people who are unequivocally in the MLLL state but have professed their undying love for their partner. And therein lies the conflict.
If you express the ‘fact’ that you love someone to a person you’re not in love with, their expectations will soar but you will inevitably disappoint them. This is because no matter how hard you try there will be a persistent disconnect between your actions and words. You lack the capacity to demonstrate love effectively not because you’re ‘an evil bastard/sick bitch’ but simply because you are in MLLL not love. Unfortunately because you unknowingly lied, you’re now in a position that’s just as uncomfortable as watching Jacko rock those sickly prepubescent boys on his lap.
Now some of you may vehemently disagree with everything I’ve written and I would love to further expand on this concept in order to convince you. However there is far too much to say and Soviet foreign policy revision awaits. Ergo I’ll leave you all to ponder on the veracity of my theory and at some point I’ll try and type up......