Friday, 13 March 2009

The Balance of Power

In the past few weeks my friends and I have had numerous interesting experiences. So interesting that we believe that it is our duty, to one day publish a book chronicling the drama and offering words of wisdom to help others avoid (and escape) such. However unlike this blog the book will have to be written under aliases.

There is a valid reason why Carrie Bradshaw wasn’t of African, Caribbean, Asian or Arab descent. It wasn’t racism, it was reality. Truth is if Carrie Bradshaw was say Nigerian and named “Carrie Babatunde”, her parents would have had her deported/flogged/intimidated into recanting after her first column was published. *

We value our lives too much to ever write such a book! However since this blog is a prelude of the book, my friends insisted that I rant about a theory I came up with.

The Balance of Power and the 3 stages.

Contrary to what Hollywood would have us to believe, relationships aren’t principally defined by love. Long after love, lust and attraction disappear, it will be power that remains and ultimately dictates the trajectory of a relationship.

Now there are generally three phases that the Balance of Power (B.O.P) in a relationship will go through. The final stage is the optimum state , but it can never be appreciated or maintained unless a couple first go through stages 1 and 2.

Now I don’t have any advice on how you can get to stage 3. I’m not Oprah. I’m just a 21 year old who likes to shop and is on a quest to make “weave responsibility” part of the national curriculum and enshrined in EU law.

Regardless! Here it is, my Balance of Power theory.

STAGE 1 B.O.P tilts firmly in favour of the woman

During stage 1 the man is still trying to woo a woman. He is constantly on his best behaviour and fully aware he has to work to keep her engaged. The fact he is more willing to openly express his interest whilst the woman remains aloof means power resides firmly in her hands.**

STAGE 2 B.O.P firmly in favour of the man

This stage generally emerges when two people are in an official relationship. After initially not caring as much as the man, the woman now cares a lot more. The roles switch. She’s making all the phone calls and he’s become blasé.

The change in the man’s behaviour is viewed by the woman (and her friends) as the man being neglectful. When in actual fact he has simply reverted to being his true self because he’s realised that she’s ‘whipped’ so there’s no real need to give 200% as 70% will suffice.

This creates a tension and at stage 2 relationships are prone to petty conflicts. These conflicts are often sparked by the woman making one of the three following statements...

1) “I called you, why didn’t you call me back”?
2) “You’re acting weird”
3) “I feel like I don’t know you anymore”

STAGE 3 Power lies equally with both, but in a conflict the man allows the woman to believe the power lies with her.

If a couple are patient and reasonable enough to work through the madness of stage 2 they will eventually reach a state of balance.

But! When a conflict or power struggle arises the man (learning from past incidents) realises that allowing the woman to believe she’s won an argument is the most expedient option.

OR if the couple are really ‘modern’……

STAGE 3 Constant Perfect Equality

Some relationships end up in a state of perfect equality where both individuals manage to lead simultaneously.

Personally, I don’t believe in equality of outcome. Two people can’t drive a car. My advice, pick a leader and roll with it.

Peace, Love and Blazers


* If you’re offended by that statement you clearly have never met an adult born within any of these regions before 1965. In such places family values and honour are far more important than fame. Carrie Bradshaw publishing her sexual antics would be a source of disgrace.

**Some women abuse this power. Since men rarely entertain folly it’s likely that he’ll quickly decide to move on.


  1. I'm first!

    Amen. Two people can NEVER drive a car. None of that I steer while you change gears. That would just be dangerous. My question is what if the guy just cannot learn to let the woman believe she has won the argument? And if she has won the argument, but he still doesn't want to give her the point? I mean we shouldn't be tallying points in a relationship, but what if the point is hers, but he can't take it being hers?

  2. You are completely right. The key is that neither person should give too much of their power away!!!

    Keep ranting xxx

  3. I really liked this rant, I'm currently in stage 2 so I can definitely identify. I know you're not 'Oprah' but it'd be a good rant saying how you can get from stage to stage. Love the blog by the way.