Daughter. Sister. Friend. Believer. Warrior. Writer. Voracious reader. Shoe Lover. Car Accident Survivor. Quasi philosopher. Prone to circumlocution. Beyonce stan. Retired cynic. On a quest to make a dent in the universe. Impossible to summarise in a few words.
Sometimes dreams and whimsical intentions diffuse from the minds of those out of touch with reality and embed themselves in the common consciousness. Sometimes it reaches the point that these thoughts become so pervasive people take them as a truism.
So now everyone believes that they’re entitled to happiness, destined to be the next Barrack Obama and deserve to be rich.
However there is one new age belief that is so annoying and patronising, I have decided to rant about it. The concept of the ‘one’.
Apparently for each every one of us there is one person in the world that was pre-destined to be our life partner. Therefore we should all wait patiently for that fateful day, when we finally meet and stay together forever.
Despite the fact millions have married the ‘one’ and promptly got divorced we persist on holding on to the dream. In fact, many of you reading this firmly believe you’re currently in a relationship with the ‘one’. Yes they probably are ‘the one’. The one person who bothered to do a bit of cost/benefit analysis and realised that sticking around makes more sense than the futile dating game.
My view. The ‘one’ doesn’t exist. There are 6 billion souls on this wretched universe. How on earth does it add up that there is only one person that is the ‘perfect fit’? Why not 2 or 3 or 9 people? But I guess the ‘two’ or the ‘three’ doesn’t have the same ring to it as ‘How to meet the two’ would be a difficult book to market to desperate women. I digress.
The ‘one’ is the same as saying there are only one pair of shoes/trainers that will ever be able to fit and you may have to wait 15-25 years before you find them. Heaven forbid.
Am I saying picking a life partner is akin to buying a pair of shoes? Pretty much.
You see a pair of shoes in the shop window and are instantly attracted to them. (Lust at first sight)
What do you do? Ask for your size. If they look good on you, you buy them and take them home. (First date)
Some get home, decide they don’t like the shoes that much, so they return them. (The serial dater with commitment issues)
Anyone that knows anything about shoes will be fully aware that spinning around in the shop mirror for 3 minutes will never suffice. Nor will wearing them around the house, imagining you’re out. You have to wear them to an occasion for approximately 6 hours. (The equivalent of the first month of a relationship)
By the end of the 6 hours you’re in excruciating pain as breaking into shoes is agony. (Relationship growing pains)
Some of you retire home early and swear never to wear the shoes again (The short-lived relationship)
The tenacious ones survive the ‘breaking in’ period and wear the shoes for a few months or even a few years. (Serious relationship)
Others come to despise the shoes but also love them. So you keep wearing them. They’re faithful, stylish rather than trendy and you can’t be bothered to buy another pair. So you re-heel them constantly even though they’re old and tired. (Marriage)
That’s it. Finding the ‘one’ is simply a glorified and extended shoe purchase.
And if that doesn’t convince you……
Have you noticed people often find the ‘one’ after being in a damaging relationship with an absolute devil? It’s got nothing to do with destiny. It’s simply because they decided to stop trying to find someone who fits their criteria and selected someone who ticks the one box that matters. Reliability. But no one likes to admit they settled so most wedding ceremonies are occasions where people pretend they didn’t marry their second choice.
On the other hand, the concept of the ‘one’ is a method people (well women really, but I’m trying to be inclusive) use to console themselves that something better will come along. Well it probably won’t. Especially if you believe the universe is going to drop ‘Mr/Mrs Right’ on your lap.
But let me tell you about the ‘one’ that really exists. The ‘one’ that 99.9% of adults will encounter.
Most people will fall deeply in ‘love’ with someone and not end up spending their life with them. That is the person they make all their mistakes with and have the most intense, passionate, indescribable relationship with that no one else will ever be able to comprehend. This individual inevitably breaks their heart. Now when they leave the troll, love is supplanted with hatred, indifference or pity.
That person is the ‘one’. After them, we love more cautiously, with less freedom and crucially with an ounce of wisdom. They teach us that life will never be a musical. And even if there is a happy ending, the journey getting there is full of complications.
My point. Life hinges on choice. Fatalism is for losers. Stop worrying about whether the ‘one’ will come your way and concentrate on bettering the one person you can count on.