Monday, 8 September 2008

Why I am not a fan of the office!

The Office

An environment where you perfect the art of doing the minimum and making it seem as if you put in the maximum.

Why I am not a fan of the office

The noisy air conditioning

The sandwich man is never on time

The annoying secretary that insists on deliberating over which choice of sandwich to buy like the destiny of the universe hinges on it…even though she always picks the same flavour

The bleeding office manager who guilts you into ‘Secret Santa'

Secret Santa is an office tax

The office party where you get inebriated and tell the feckless individuals you work with what you really think, then pretend you said it because you were drunk but you meant it.

It’s either too hot or too cold but never ever a reasonable temperature.

You always feel like you’re falling asleep

Surfing the net aimlessly no longer kills your boredom

People go on holiday and buy you disgusting foreign sweets

The pleasure derived from stealing office supplies declines so rapidly, you no loner smile as you walk towards the stationary cupboard

They block Facebook

People from work add you on Facebook (come on!)

Office managers are annoying

Email exchanges that clog up your inbox which are thinly guised passive aggressive struggles between employees that have the audacity to virtual arm wrestle via my inbox

The inevitable office protest that we should buy ‘Fair trade Coffee/Tea’…(sighs) Are we playing this game again?

There is always a woman called Lisa.Usually between the 6th and 14th floor but there is always a Lisa.

Being in a crowded lift with someone you have been trying to avoid all day

Having to listen to some feckless individuals holiday adventure where they visited a developing country and decided to have a ‘real experience’ e.g. they pretended to be poor so they can come back and be smug about how ‘in touch’ they are.

Having to swallow yawns mid-conversation

You are CONSTANTLY looking at the clock

You look at the clock so much you start playing games to see how long you can stop looking at the clock

Everyone wears black shoes

Your manager thinks free sandwiches/crisps compensate for having meetings over lunch

Dress down Friday proves that it’s not that your fellow employees are restricted Monday to Thursday………they just can’t dress

The needy member of staff that insists on showing cleavage even when its -10°

The fact a new haircut can be a conversation topic for 15 minutes

The ‘health and safety’ short film they make you watch on your first day. I am not an idiot, I won’t even take a lift on a hot summers day let alone when there’s a fire.

The fact the IT department insist on doing the exact opposite of anything you ask.

The office pig eats someone else’s food yet they all blame the cleaners.

People telling me about their friends friends kids….......I don’t care

You’re usually the epitome of selfishness but you offer to make people you despise tea/coffee

You’re sitting ACROSS from me, but you just sent me an email saying ‘what do you want to do for lunch?”

People forward jokes that aren’t that funny…but you laugh because life is that bad

Even the water dispenser is depressed. The water comes out so slowly it can give you office rage

You’re surrounded by paper

And the people you work with are about as interesting as a blank sheet

At least thrice a day you get an email addressed to ‘All Staff’ yet it never ever concerns you

The fridge always stinks

The fact I have to dial 9, before I can make a phone call.

Peace, Love and Britney’s back


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