The Waste Man Chronicles

There are Waste Men from Harlesden to the Himalayas. If there is life on the moon I can assure you there are Waste Aliens.This is a pandemic and the virus does not discriminate. It sees neither colour, creed nor geographical location. Due to the depth and breath of this issue one rant will never suffice. There needs to be an encyclopedia on avoiding this specific specimen. So I have decided to make this a series of rants called ‘The Waste Man Chronicles’

Let me make something clear. The number of Good Men exceeds Waste Men. I repeat. Good Men outnumber Waste Men. If you believe all men are ‘Waste Men’ the chances are you’re the useless individual and the calibre of men in your milieu are a reflection of this fact. In essence you need to change your situation and elevate yourself instead of pointing the finger of blame at the men around you.

Unfortunately Good Men don’t get the acknowledgement they deserve because Waste Men’s misdeeds are of such magnitude they overshadow their fine endeavours. So before I go on, a quick shout out to all the Good Men, keep doing your thing, there’s no point me ranting as the reality is you’re doing what you should!

The term Waste Man is a highly contested concept. As such it is often misused, abused and used in its loosest sense. To ensure we are all on the same page I have formed my own definition of what a Waste Man is:

Waste Man (n)
‘An adult male of adequate physical and mental capabilities who chooses not to fulfill their social, personal and/or professional obligations and in turn hinders the progress of others’

A Waste Man is not a man who doesn’t call you back. No. That is a man who doesn’t want to hear your voice.

However, if that man happens to be your father or the father of your child and persistently doesn’t return your calls, specifically when he has an obligation, financial or otherwise. He is a Waste Man.

A Waste Man is not a man whose income is below your salary expectations. Any man that works to earn a legitimate wage, regardless of his income level deserves respect as there are millions of other able-bodied adults who choose not to seek employment.

On the other hand, if a man has been in the same position for 5 + years without a stitch of progress, promotion or elevation. He is a Waste Man.

If a man earns a legitimate wage, but is in frivolous debt because he maintains a lifestyle above his income to keep up with the Jones’ / the Oluwatoyins. He is a Waste Man.

If you pay attention to the final clause of my definition you will notice the phrase ‘hinders the progress of others’. If you are so unfortunate to have a Waste Man in your environment you will be fully aware that at some point the spillover effect means they will have a negative impact on how you carry out your social, personal and professional obligations.

Some women are in debt.

Some women have gone up/down 4 dress sizes.

Some women have lost their hair over stress.

Some Waste Men have created jaded children who sadly due to lack of input also grow up to be Waste Men.

This is completely unacceptable.

Unfortunately Waste Men can often be difficult to spot because they are complex specimens with a multitude of manifestations. So to create clarity, here are some well-known waste men.

Eddie Murphy
Any man that publicly denies the paternity of a child and when paternity is proven still chooses to have nothing to do that child, multi-millionaire or not, is a Waste Man. If it weren’t for Coming To America (She’s Your Queen To-oo Beeeeeee) I would dedicate an entire rant to him, however that film will be his ‘Get Out of Jail Card’ forever.

Callum Best
He has achieved nothing and his only claim to fame is having a sporting legend as a father and knowing Lindsay Lohan. As much as I love England, welfare state/entitlement culture means we often reward social failures. Therefore his uselessness has landed him a show on MTV. This has taken his Waste Man level to unprecedented heights and proved that he needs to get a real job before the checks stop coming in.

K-Fed pre-Britney Meltdown
Proof that Waste Men can change, though before Britney got ill (Get better Britney, We Love You!) the only work he seemed to do was put on his trucker hat in the morning.

R Kelly
This man goes beyond being a Waste Man as he is a pervert who preys on underage girls. He unashamedly calls himself the Pied Piper and to rub it in makes an album called ‘The Chocolate Factory’. Since I’m actively boycotting his music I’ve slipped this sick man in.

Pete Doherty
Where do I begin?!

In the Waste Man Chronicles I am going to don my pink Power Ranger Suit and attempt to do my bit to eradicate this social issue as the disease can be cured but as they say, prevention is better than cure.

So to all you hopeless bastards who won’t/can’t keep a job, don’t pay your way, bills due today and every day, haven’t seen your kids in 5 months, haven’t called your mum in a week, car better than your crib, living lies has become your truth, roam in packs akin to the Wu Tang Clan and would rather lend your friend money than your significant other………..

I present, the Waste Man Chronicles.

This goes out to YOUUUUUUUU (soulja boy voice)

Peace, Love and Stay Tuned

xxx